Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize