just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
