I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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