Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if only i could text you this smell
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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