i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
