i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
