What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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