I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize