You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
