There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
