I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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