the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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