Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
