Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
