I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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