Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
