I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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