im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
