After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
