our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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