This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
