The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
