I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
