I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
