pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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