who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
