If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
