just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
