Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
