maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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