I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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