He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
