I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
