my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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