my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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