I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
