i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
