People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
