why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
