oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
