I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you told grandpa to call you daddy
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
