I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
