Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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