"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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