I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
