dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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