I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
