I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there's paper in my vomit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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