Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
