what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
