and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
