I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
