she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
