That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize