i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
