just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize