sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
