Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
