It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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