I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize