remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
