no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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