Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
