You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
