I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
