I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
