the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
