i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i need some magic done to my vagina
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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