I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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