yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
