if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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