Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
