if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
"it" just moved
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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